Sex with no strings attached, solely sex, or what I call, “fucking without feeling,” I’ve come to wonder, is this what we need to learn to do to become happy?
Samantha Jones from Sex and The City is a prime example of a woman who knows how to “fuck without feeling”. She has sex for sex. To Samantha, sex has no emotional context to it, intercourse does not go along with emotional feeling. The only feelings that Samantha has from sex are the feelings of horniness, reaching climax and being turned on. I’ve come to wonder, have we come to a point in life where it is so hard to find someone to settle down with, that we must learn to fuck without feeling just to be happy? I’m not saying that happiness can only come when it includes sexual pleasure, but let’s be honest, it surely does help. You know when someone is in a pissy mood and someone says to them, “you need to get laid” inferring that sex will increase their happiness; well, I hate to break it to you, but it probably would.
Since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I’ve been happily single with a small desire to find another relationship. I’ve learned to be happy on my own, not say goodnight to anyone and how to stop looking for something. While I do miss having a significant other that I can fully enjoy being with at all times, it’s much harder to find someone who you can fully appreciate, and moreover that will appreciate you, which is exactly why I’m still single.
However, every guy that I’ve met since I’ve been single, has been interested in me, but more interested in having sex without getting attached to me emotionally. This does not work with me, because I don’t know how to have sex without emotions, without feelings, and I’m beginning to realize that this is the reason why I’m single. But is this what has become necessary for true happiness? I think it has, and it’s beyond upsetting.
I was talking to my friend a couple of nights ago about this and when discussing fucking without feeling, and what it’s like to have sex with a guy who is not emotionally invested, she said, “It’s like you’re in my vagina but you’re not actually here.” Emotionally and mentally the other person is not anywhere near you but when it comes to their schlong, it’s long gone – inside of you. I’ve recently discovered that people who want to fuck without feeling also say anything they can to make you feel like they care, but their actions speak louder than their words. If they’re only contacting you late at night, only when the weekend comes around, and only spending time with you when they’re getting sex as compensation for their time spent, they’re probably fucking without feelings.
Unless you’re looking for sex without strings attached, you should probably find out what the other person feels before continuing to sleep with them. Why? Because despite what you may think, emotions and feelings develop over time, especially while sleeping with someone; and if you don’t find out their true goals, you might end up getting your feelings really hurt. I know this looks great on paper but you’re probably thinking, how am I supposed to ask someone who I’m sleeping with if they like me? Think about this – If you’re comfortable enough to put your body parts inside of another person or let them put their body parts inside of you, you should probably be comfortably enough to ask them how they feel about you.
No one looks at loneliness as a positive thing. People randomly hook up, kiss, fool around and have sex with people who they are not in a monogamous relationship with, because they’d rather have some sexual attention from someone rather than none at all. No one likes to be lonely, no one wants to be alone and in fact, people call it a “dry spell” when they haven’t gotten any in a long time and let’s be honest, no one wants to be in a “dry spell.”
Finding someone to settle down with is getting harder and harder. More of my friends are single than in relationships and a lot of the people in relationships are not even happy in them. This is why there is Match.com, Jdate.com and all of these other match making businesses – No one likes to be alone because while solidarity can be healthy and fun for a while, it get’s lonely after a while and who wants to be lonely?
Unfortunately, while sex makes people happy, it also makes people dumb. It makes people settle for less than they deserve. People who want a relationship will often settle for fucking without feelings because they hope that at some point, the sex will develop feelings and become a relationship. While people who do not want a relationship are completely satisfied because more and more people are learning to fuck without feelings in order to not be lonely, rather be happily sexually satisfied. Sex makes people happy, it reduces stress, and increases health and it creates a connection to someone else. Everyone wants to find someone, a partner to make them happy in life, maybe not right now but eventually everyone wants a story book ending, but until we find someone who wants the exact same thing as we do as individuals, we’re either going to be alone or learn to take chances.
Do we need to have sex without feeling to be happy alone?