So, lately I’ve had a tendency to fall off the earth, I’m sorry if you’ve been bothered by it, but I’ve been sick and tending to my sick body… I’m not saying I have a sick body, I’m saying I’ve been taking care of my unhealthy coughing body. (Cough cough-dirty minds, oh how I love my readers.) If you’ve been bothered by my disappearance and lack of blogging…Just Blau Me.
In the spirit of VALENTINES DAY, I think this week will be my week of lovey-dovey mushy writing that I’ve always wanted to get out of my system. Don’t like it? Blau Me.
My friends have been talking about this movie “Blue Valentine” with Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams all week. Apparently it’s an unbelievably depressing yet wonderfully refreshing movie about the realities of falling in love, or better yet, falling out of it. Ryan Gosling says it pretty perfectly in this clip I posted, “Maybe I’ve seen too many movies, you know, love at first sight. What do you think about love at first sight? You think you can love somebody just by looking at them? But the thing is man, it’s like I felt like I knew her, you ever get that feeling?”
I never go to the movie theaters, truth is, I’m scared of them. Call me a germaphobe and laugh out loud when you read this: but the idea that some dirty skeevy human being who doesn’t know how to wipe his or her ass, doesn’t wash their hands, and has bugs in their house could have possibly sat in the same chair as me can make me wait for the movie to come out On Demand. I’m neurotic, but hey, no one is perfect, right?
But watching this clip, and the trailer made me wonder, is there really such thing as love at first sight? I’ve thought I’ve known someone when they only turned out to be everything I never thought they were. You need to know someone to love someone, but who is to say when you know them at all? I’ve spent years of my young life getting to know the people I’ve been in relationships with, just simply to wake up next to someone I never even knew at all. Everything has the potential to change, however, many things don’t have what it takes to motivate that change. We hate to admit it, but that is why plenty of us remain in relationships that we’re not happy in. Romantic or not. We’re afraid of change, afraid of falling out of love, afraid of waking up alone rather than waking up next to someone we don’t even know or trust.
Reality is, you might be falling out of love right now, and are you really going to sit around to wait for an excuse to end it? Cheesy bullshit aside, people change, things change, and life ends and we don’t have control over when, how or why. So don’t wait for tomorrow for an excuse to end something that doesn’t make you happy now… you may not be around tomorrow, right?
I know that some people never change, and I learned to either accept people for what they’re good for, or leave them to find someone else who will appreciate them. We all have problems, we’re all imperfect, but like my mom says, “there is a top to every pot, a seat for every ass.”
I may have found my mother effing top and the perfect seat for my fat ass. Someone special to me recently gave me a gift. Knowing my ability to get caught up in the story-ending love bullshit of the future and its possibilities, this person taught me to appreciate the word now. The gift came with a note that read, “Live for today, today we bloom, tomorrow we die. This sentiment, though it may seem dark, reminds us to live in the moment.” I’ve been living in the moment since I received my gift, and each day I wake up eager to learn something new, and appreciate every moment of it, because tomorrow it may seem as though it never happened.
I may have a Valentine this year, but if you do just because you have to settle, not because you want to; why don’t you have a Blue Valentine? Take yourself out, and be happy alone. Embrace the sadness and solitude, if you’re not happy alone, how can anyone be happy with you?
Good luck my little Valentines. Live in the now.
Yours truly, Little Miss Blau Me