Naked Beginners 101

Fingering 101


Welcome to Fingering 101

Everyone thinks that fingering a woman is a simple task. Theoretically, how hard can it be to place a finger into a vagina? Believe it or not, it’s not as easy as you may think. A friend of mine came to me the other day with a serious dilemma. We’ll call him Abe,* he met someone who he really likes, things got hot and heavy and she was, let’s say… too tight to tango. Abe* tried everything he could do without the help of artificial lube from going down on her, to wetting his fingers and nothing worked. He explained that it was almost as if her vaginal muscles were completely shut and he couldn’t fit any finger into her vagina, let alone the idea of his penis.

I immediately asked him what her reaction was. Abe* explained that she said that she was comfortable, however, she made sounds and motions that insinuated a bit of discomfort. I mean, clearly the girl was uncomfortable in that he was trying to fit a finger into a pin hole. Ouch. But it may not have been because of a lack of knowledge on how to finger a girl, but better a lack of knowledge about the vagina. Can’t blame men for not understanding it completely, they don’t have a vagina. Many women don’t even know anything about their vaginas.

There are a couple things you should consider before fingering a woman:

Short nails are a must. The vagina is a delicate part of the body made up of tissues and can be easily hurt. Most men do not like when women use teeth during sex. Think about how you would feel if a woman scratched your penis with her teeth or nails during a blow-job or sex. Cut your nails, it really is simple.

Lubricant is welcome. It can take a woman anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour and 20 minutes to become naturally lubricated from foreplay. Artificial lubricant can be helpful during foreplay, especially if you or your partner have a hard time becoming lubricated naturally. This can be totally normal due to hormonal changes; however, if it’s negatively affecting your sex-life and health, contact a doctor. It is important for men to understand that no matter how wet and excited a woman man  get from your “phenomenal” skills, that moisture is easily taken away and rubbed into your hand and fingers, which can leave her susceptible to small cuts, lesions and tender feeling.  Not hot. Try Paraben and Glycerin Free Astroglide. It is less likely to cause any infection, it is water soluble and lasts for a pretty decent amount of time, especially for foreplay use.

Almost anything can fit.  If a baby’s head can fit out of a vagina, one would assume it’s safe to think any size, width, length penis can fit inside of a woman. However, there is something called Vaginismus. The vagina has a sphincter. Great word. This is a group of muscles that controls it’s tightness. This is why you may feel the vagina tighten during an orgasm, or during sex, just blame it on the sphincter. This sphincter also allows penises, fingers, doctor’s speculums, tampons, dildo’s etc. to fit inside. Vaginismus is when the sphincter clenches and does not allow for anything to be inserted into the vagina. I’ll explain more about vaginismus another time… However, it is important to understand that not everything always fits inside of the vagina. Not all women have vaginismus, yet, it could be a possibility. If insertion is not an option because of her discomfort, which can be because of other things too, there is always clitoral stimulation that can lead to an orgasm.

Delicate strokes for vagina folks. While women have this too, predominantly men seem to have this major misconception that just because the vagina can fit almost any size, width and length penis, it is easy to penetrate. 1,2,3 in for me. No. It doesn’t work like that. Inserting anything into a vagina takes time, patience, lubrication and communication. You need to be gentle. Of course, unless she likes being finger banged.

Communication leads to great fornication. All women enjoy being pleasured differently. In this case, I’m talking about fingering. There are women who like their vaginas tapped, flicked, rubbed fast and slow. Some women are more into pressure than speed. Some women like it when you place your fingers inside the vagina, while others would prefer clitoral stimulation. Unless you want to go into that deep dark hole blind-sighted and take her moans, or groans as direction, it’s okay to ask a woman what it is she likes. For example:

Abe* said he asked, “Are you comfortable?” Most women I know would respond “Yes” because while they may be comfortable with you, they don’t like what you’re doing sexually. Telling someone you don’t like what you’re doing, especially if it’s not hurting you, is difficult because you don’t want to ruin the moment, and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. While the girl did respond and say she was comfortable, her actions were speaking a different language.

Instead, try asking, “does this feel good?” or “how do you like it?  Take her hand, place it on her and tell her to show you how she likes it, or say, “tell me what to do.” Let’s be serious, while we’d like for men to know everything about the vagina, they can’t because they don’t have one. Unless you’re a gynecologist, I dont believe you know everything about the vagina. No one but a gyno looks at all different vaginas all day long, not even me. If anyone knows the vagina as a man, it’s a male gynecologist. Other than that, you don’t know nearly as much as you think you do about the vagina. Truth. Swallow your ego and just accept it.

“Come hither” motion. There seems to be some misunderstanding of what to do when you’ve gotten inside. While some women, according to my viewers and some friends, do enjoy “finger banging” which is where you insert your fingers into the vagina and quickly remove them repetitively. Kind of like, replacing your penis during “jack rabbit sex” with fingers. In order to pleasure a woman during fingering, try reaching for her g-spot. If you place your fingers inside the vagina and make a “come hither” motion with your fingers, you may feel the tissue inside feels a bit rigid, or different than the rest of the vaginal tissue. This is where you’ll mostly likely find her g-spot. Unless you’re partner tells you that she likes being fingered in a certain way, try the come hither motion, and moving your fingers back and forth rather than in and out. It creates less friction, and allows for a possible g-spot stimulation.

So, Abe* next time you are going to try fingering your lady friend make sure to cut your nails, try some lubricant, understand that it may not be about her vagina size, you may just not be doing something she likes. Try communicating with her to make sure that you are doing what she wants. This is about her, not you. Your ego may get you the girl, but it won’t always get you in her or satisfy her. People who are willing to learn, make the most of the life, and get the most out of it.

Happy Foreplay, or Just Blau Me.

11 replies »

  1. I can’t even begin to describe my “gross” feeling reading some of these things … are you looking to reach young adults or the pornography industry? I haven’t been on this blog for a while because of the raciness of some of these stories, but I can’t imagine this being the sort of thing that Dr. Ruth or Dr. Phil or any other “day time” TV program would capture…. late night, possibly but again on a cable chanel — this won’t reach the regular public.

    • Linda,

      People are sexually experimenting all the time, in fact more often than not. The problem is that people are experimenting without any proper knowledge of what they’re doing, or education about their partners bodies and their own. This article is intended to give people information about fingering, a type of foreplay, and masturbation that can be enjoyable and pleasurable if done correctly. Dr. Ruth does in fact talk about masturbating and other forms of foreplay. Check out Dr.Ruth.com for articles about these topics if you’d like to receive more information. If you don’t like reading these types of articles, then don’t read them, and simply read the ones that interest you. Thanks.

    • Maybe you need to accept your body the way it is and become comfortable with all parts of it. This will benifit you; I have found that It increases my self confidence. Also keeping all parts of the body very clean all the time and healthy using moisturizers inproves self image. Learn to be comfortable wearing very little or no cloths at home like in your bedroom if that is possible (kids, neighbors), spend time like that and know that you are beautiful. Look at yourself in a mirror and learn to appreciate your body, learn not to judge yourself – no body is perfect, I am 40 lb overweight but I still love my body and I care for it.

  2. Manual motivation is something that most of the times happen in the early days of a relationship, just before oral and penetrative sex get into the scene. However, personally I believe that the magical fingers of our hands are the best and satisfying ways to please a woman in bed. Sites like http://www.best10.net are the best source for getting sex advice and visual training. Fingering your woman isn’t just a part of foreplay, but it’s a way to express how much you love pleasuring her.

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