One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make when dating a man is bruising his EGO.
EGO is our self-concept, our feeling of self-worth and possibly our biggest enemy, especially because once it’s bruised, as it takes a very long time to heal.
While everyone, both men and women have egos, it seems to be that bruising a male ego comes with more repercussions and it will push a man very far away from you.
Men use their ego and their “bad-boy” resilient masculine attitude because they feel the need to have a tough exterior in order to keep a woman chasing & challenging them. Men are very sensitive and emotional, and once a man is in love with a woman, he can become more emotionally invested than she may be. This is why it also usually takes longer for a man to become emotionally involved in a relationship.
It’s important to understand that a man will sooner let his ego control his emotions than allow his heart to control it, especially if his ego has been bruised. If you damage his self-worth and make him feel inadequate he’ll sooner let go of you rather than feel hurt and badly about himself.
Men are like turtles. When your insides are super mushy, you need to make sure there is something super tough and strong protecting them from getting hurt. Only those bigger, stronger and more powerful can get through the shell, and once your exposed you become vulnerable.
We are all afraid of being vulnerable, who wants to get hurt?
No one does, which is why when it comes to dating, both men and women are guarded and play so many games. However, men still remain the ones who are most protective over their feelings because they’re effected more when they become emotionally involved.
Think about this: When a man gets hurt it’s actually worse than when a woman does. Women are typically more emotionally involved in many different aspects of life, whereas men don’t get emotionally involved in as many things in life as women do.
Women are used to dealing with their emotions on a daily basis because they experience them more frequently. This is why when you hurt a man’s feelings, it almost does more damage to him than it would to a woman; he is not used to feeling those emotions, and it makes him feel weak when he does.
As one guy said,
“Men are just like women Carli, some of them just don’t know how to openly express themselves, or they are too scared to.”
Men and women are both emotional beings, yet men often times have a harder time expressing their true feelings and emotions. Women are not as fearful about putting themselves out there as men are. This is why the male ego plays such a large role, it inhibits their ability to be vulnerable.
All men want is to be loved and needed.
Rather than bruising a man’s ego in an attempt to gain control or power by exposing their weaknesses, and asserting dominance in the relationship, make them feel special, after all, that’s what we want from them too, right?
10 Ways You Can Bruise His Ego and Push Him Away
1. Don’t be afraid to tell him you like him/miss him back. Men want to be loved and needed. If he puts himself out there and tells you how he’s feeling, make sure you acknowledge it. If he says something endearing, and you’re feeling that way too, don’t be afraid to tell him. Reassurance is never a bad thing.
2. Tell him you’re dating other guys. It’s one thing to give a man a challenge, and make him chase you a little. It’s also okay to date more than one person if you’re not sure who you want to settle down with. But, it’s another thing to try to use jealously to get him to want you more. All it does is show your insecurities and will make him think he’s not important to you, therefore you won’t be to him.
3. Embarrass him in front of his friends. Who a guy is to his friends means a lot to him, which is why it s always a big deal when he brings you around them. If he’s going to make you a part of his life, make sure you’re a positive addition rather than one he has to worry about. Don’t bring up personal conversations, baby names and make him feel emasculated in front of the guys, he’ll never hear the end of it from them, and you’ll never hear the end of it from him.
4. Criticize him in the bedroom. Not everyone can be a sexpert, and even the best still have more to learn. If your man does something in the bedroom that you don’t like, or you’d like him to do something better, it’s all about the way you word it. Instead of telling him you don’t like that, tell him, “I like it better when you do ___” or “I love when you____” or “Can we try_____” it’s a more positive approach to improving your sex life.
5. Compare him to other men. Every new relationship in life should be looked at as a brand new slate. Of course each individual has a past but it doesn’t always need to be discussed, especially the sexual parts of it. No man wants to be compared to another guy, all that does is make him think about the fact that someone else was inside of the same hole that he is.
6. Insult his job. Aside from family, a man’s career is the most important thing in the world as it is the way he will provide for a family of his own some day. Always be supportive of his job, and it’s usually best not to ask about it, let him come to you.
7. Be flirtatious with other guys in his face. Women love to make a man jealous because they think it’ll make the man we want actually want us more. However, just like a man doesn’t want to be with a woman who sleeps with him on the first date because in his mind he thinks, if she sleeps with me the first night, how many other guys does she do that with too? No man wants to see you flirting with other guys in his face, remember all men want to be needed and loved.
8. Call him a derogatory name. Stupid. Asshole. Moron. Idiot. Loser. Retard… etc. The list goes on. Men take a lot of pride in who they are and all that they do, no man wants to feel inadequate. We don’t realize that calling someone an asshole, or an idiot may actually be more hurtful than we think as we don’t always know how the other person will receive it.
9. Cheat on him. One of my readers said it best, “Nothing quite deflates a guy’s ego like stepping out on him and proving that someone else fulfills you more than he does.”
10. LET HIM BE A MAN. All little boys grow up wanting to be one thing in life, a MAN. So let him be just that, but don’t tell him to be one. Telling a guy, “be a man” only infers that you don’t think he is one, which is practically like a slap to the nuts.
To all of my strong ladies and gentlemen out there who are dating men,
Let him open doors, order for you, take your jacket off, make decisions, be in charge… let him do whatever he wants to do in order to take care of you and show you that he cares about you. Just like many women, I’m the type that likes to be in control but when a man shows you that he can, and will take care of you while doing it, let him. It will only make him like you more.
Let a man be a man, and Just Blau You.