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EGO: The Brick Wall Between A Man’s Mind And His Emotions


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One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make when dating a man is bruising his EGO.

EGO is our self-concept, our feeling of self-worth and possibly our biggest enemy, especially because once it’s bruised, as it takes a very long time to heal.

While everyone, both men and women have egos, it seems to be that bruising a male ego comes with more repercussions and it will push a man very far away from you.

Men use their ego and their “bad-boy” resilient  masculine attitude because they feel the need to have a tough exterior in order to keep a woman chasing & challenging them. Men are very sensitive and emotional, and once a man is in love with a woman, he can become more emotionally invested than she may be. This is why it also usually takes longer for a man to become emotionally involved in a relationship.

It’s important to understand that a man will sooner let his ego control his emotions than allow his heart to control it, especially if his ego has been bruised.  If you damage his self-worth and make him feel inadequate he’ll sooner let go of you rather than feel hurt and badly about himself. 

AngryTurtle

Men are like turtles. When your insides are super mushy, you need to make sure there is something super tough and strong protecting them from getting hurt. Only those bigger, stronger and more powerful can get through the shell, and once your exposed you become vulnerable. 

We are all afraid of being vulnerable, who wants to get hurt?

No one does, which is why when it comes to dating, both men and women are guarded and play so many games. However, men still remain the ones who are most protective over their feelings because they’re effected more when they become emotionally involved.

Think about this: When a man gets hurt it’s actually worse than when a woman does. Women are typically more emotionally involved in many different aspects of life, whereas men don’t get emotionally involved in as many things in life as women do.

Women are used to dealing with their emotions on a daily basis because they experience them more frequently. This is why when you hurt a man’s feelings, it almost does more damage to him than it would to a woman; he is not used to feeling those emotions, and it makes him feel weak when he does. 

As one guy said,

Men are just like women Carli, some of them just don’t know how to openly express themselves, or they are too scared to.”

Men and women are both emotional beings, yet men often times have a harder time expressing their true feelings and emotions. Women are not as fearful about putting themselves out there as men are. This is why the male ego plays such a large role, it inhibits their ability to be vulnerable.

All men want is to be loved and needed.

Rather than bruising a man’s ego in an attempt to gain control or power by exposing their weaknesses, and asserting dominance in the relationship, make them feel special, after all, that’s what we want from them too, right?

10 Ways You Can Bruise His Ego and Push Him Away

1. Don’t be afraid to tell him you like him/miss him back. Men want to be loved and needed. If he puts himself out there and tells you how he’s feeling, make sure you acknowledge it. If he says something endearing, and you’re feeling that way too, don’t be afraid to tell him. Reassurance is never a bad thing. 

2. Tell him you’re dating other guys. It’s one thing to give a man a challenge, and make him chase you a little. It’s also okay to date more than one person if you’re not sure who you want to settle down with. But, it’s another thing to try to use jealously to get him to want you more. All it does is show your insecurities and will make him think he’s not important to you, therefore you won’t be to him.

3. Embarrass him in front of his friends. Who a guy is to his friends means a lot to him, which is why it s always a big deal when he brings you around them. If he’s going to make you a part of his life, make sure you’re a positive addition rather than one he has to worry about. Don’t bring up personal conversations, baby names and make him feel emasculated in front of the guys, he’ll never hear the end of it from them, and you’ll never hear the end of it from him.

4. Criticize him in the bedroom. Not everyone can be a sexpert, and even the best still have more to learn. If your man does something in the bedroom that you don’t like, or you’d like him to do something better, it’s all about the way you word it. Instead of telling him you don’t like that, tell him, “I like it better when you do ___” or “I love when you____” or “Can we try_____” it’s a more positive approach to improving your sex life.

5. Compare him to other men. Every new relationship in life should be looked at as a brand new slate. Of course each individual has a past but it doesn’t always need to be discussed, especially the sexual parts of it. No man wants to be compared to another guy, all that does is make him think about the fact that someone else was inside of the same hole that he is.

6. Insult his job. Aside from family, a man’s career is the most important thing in the world as it is the way he will provide for a family of his own some day. Always be supportive of his job, and it’s usually best not to ask about it, let him come to you.

7. Be flirtatious with other guys in his face. Women love to make a man jealous because they think it’ll make the man we want actually want us more. However, just like a man doesn’t want to be with a woman who sleeps with him on the first date because in his mind he thinks, if she sleeps with me the first night, how many other guys does she do that with too? No man wants to see you flirting with other guys in his face, remember all men want to be needed and loved.

8. Call him a derogatory name. Stupid. Asshole. Moron. Idiot. Loser. Retard… etc. The list goes on. Men take a lot of pride in who they are and all that they do, no man wants to feel inadequate. We don’t realize that calling someone an asshole, or an idiot may actually be more hurtful than we think as we don’t always know how the other person will receive it.

9. Cheat on him. One of my readers said it best, “Nothing quite deflates a guy’s ego like stepping out on him and proving that someone else fulfills you more than he does.”

10. LET HIM BE A MAN. All little boys grow up wanting to be one thing in life, a MAN. So let him be just that, but don’t tell him to be one. Telling a guy, “be a man” only infers that you don’t think he is one, which is practically like a slap to the nuts.

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To all of my strong ladies and gentlemen out there who are dating men,

Let him open doors, order for you, take your jacket off, make decisions, be in charge… let him do whatever he wants to do in order to take care of you and show you that he cares about you. Just like many women, I’m the type that likes to be in control but when a man shows you that he can, and will take care of you while doing it, let him. It will only make him like you more.

Let a man be a man, and Just Blau You. 

53 replies »

    • I agree with the whole thing of the male ego. It’s laughable in so many ways. I find it comical that so many men swallow this hunter gatherer out in the wilds thing.

      Personally, I don’t mind admitting to a woman that I care about her, think about her, want to care for
      for her, want the best for her – and yes to get a bit emotional, worship the ground she walks on. Women I often find quite scary when it comes to all these things – but finding love (what it’s all about after all is said) is often a bit scary a thing to do anyway.

      However for me at least, this doesn’t stop me being what I hope is a real man; i.e. mature and experienced enough to be happy in his own skin and admitting that having very positive female energy around me is so important in life. Ego is I think just lumping all men into one generalised category – all humans, both men and women can be complicated and difficult to read.

      As regards getting rid of ego, Yes I do like to open doors for her, and show her I care in many other ways – getting hurt is the risk that one takes when you show her that you want to be open and vulnerable – I don’t know how else one really lets love in from another person certainly a woman. We only have one chance why waste it on all this ego nonsense.

      What I would give to find love but we seem to live in a world of supercharged ego noise that blots real men’s feeling out.

      • Oh please. It’s so laughable how men swallow this hunter gatherer thing… What’s even funnier is you being a man making fun of a man for being what he is. What have you been swallowing? It’s just a knock at gender roles. We as men still hunt and gather. Especially in today’s fkd up system where most of your money’s gone before you can spend a nickel. Don’t be such a see you next Tuesday bro

      • Proud of you!!!! I hunt and gather (literally) but I never have to let an ego control what’s right! I let the man be in control. I don’t mind letting him so he feels proud that he can provide. Country girls want what all women want. A man that can be real with himself and a “man” at the same time. It’s never degrading or any less scary for male or female to be vulnerable. We are all feeling the same way. I’ve raised my son to never look at a woman as just a piece of meat (caveman style). Open that door and show her you want to impress her and that means after you’ve been married for years as well. Love is a decision in the end. Respect and God is what I believe is what holds people together. Practice makes perfect and that means pushing that wall of an ego aside from time to time to be human.

      • Beautifully expressed! My biggest issue with the last guy I was with is that he would never tell me how he felt about me and would play passive aggressive games so I put my foot down. I always felt he loved and cared for me but I’m a person too and deserve to hear it. Looks like I bruised his ego because he opted to ignore rather than talk to me about it.

      • Anonymous,
        you are refreshing. The last male I was with could never express what he felt for me so I put my foot down with him. For years he would be passive aggressive when all I wanted was for him to finally express what I felt. As a person, we all deserve to hear we are appreciated and loved. Looks like his ego was bruised because he opted for the silence treatment instead

      • This is so true! Love the article (and your site). Give a guy the space and time that he needs to work through is ego to reach his feelings. Knowing that he’s going through this process should help a woman know how to approach him. Thanks for sharing a great topic.

        Love,

        Tatia

  1. I would rather be alone than let a man dominate,make the big or final decisions or be in charge. It makes me feel dewomanized. I’ve never had a problem in any of my relationships. I have a huge ego,and if a man strokes mine,I’ll stroke his a bit. Only ugly trolls have to feed a mans ego,because they have no other option. And I will never lie. If a dude has kids and don’t want anything to do with them for example,I will tell him to be a man. I do not sugar coat. If a dude expects things from me,he needs to feed my ego first,or he can hit the road.

    • Wow you sound very pleasant sheesh! Let a man dominate? First of all why does any guy need a woman to stroke his ego thats so pussy men should be confident in themselves and know where they need to improve. Only an idiot would put up with any of those 10 bruise the ego things LOL what woman would discuss other dick while in bed with a man and why would any guy date a woman who would do that lol SLUUUUTT hell yeh

    • You sound like a egotistical snob to me. Saying only ugly trolls have to feed a man’s ego…really? Go get back on your high horse and ride away “queen” bc you basically just called me an ugly troll. My husband is an egotist and in order to help him feel secure and so that our relationship can be a successful one I try to stroke his ego. That’s what you do when you love a broken man who doesn’t know he’s broken. But I guess a woman who walks around thinking she is entitled to be treated like a queen because she’s pretty would have no concept of that. You sound very self centered and high maintenance to me…and like you think your looks somehow make you better than other people. That’s called being narcissistic. Maybe before you post your rude little comments next time you should think about how other people might feel…but if you are as narcissistic as you sound I guess you are incapable of thinking of anyone but yourself. My mistake.

  2. This isn’t the 1950’s, women & men need equality in relationships.”Let him do what he wants to take care if you”, crazy, that thinking leads to women staying in abusive relationships.Men need to learn to value equality..women have ego’s too.It has to be mutual.

    • Must be fun being single year after year. Have fun in lonely spinsterhood herding cats. You deserve it! 😉

    • What would be wrong in both people discarding their egos? If I meet a woman who admits they have a huge ego my immediate reactions is to think ‘this person values only themselves, are they trying to put me in what they perceive is my place. I would also start immediately running, very far away

      Ego and attitude is for people who have an awful lot of growing to do. Egos ultimately don’t build any kind of relationship that is two sided, rather ego destroys this eventually.

    • I’m so glad your brother reads my site, and I’m also happy that you enjoyed it too! Please keep up the reading and if you have comments or suggestions feel free to share!

  3. You ‘pseudo-feminists’. Being a real feminist is a combination of being feminine and assertive. Being feminine is letting your man take care of you. You will see a huge difference in the way a man treats you when you let him the boss sometimes. The secret lies in the balance between femininity and assertiveness. Assertiveness does not mean being negative, which is what some of you pseudo-feminists misunderstood in the article. You have no clue at all. Keep shouting, being masculine, and you’ll end up not loved or on your own. Your man will leave you for a woman who will make him feel good. By the way, I am a feminist too, but a real one.

  4. Balance? How do you acquire that without dumbing down to a man. I refuse to dumb-down. I believe my man picker is broke because all I seem to attract is players, wanna be players, or emotionally unavailable men. I gave up a long time ago…yes women have evolved quite nicely in being strong and taking care of themselves..but the jerks are out there running rampant in abundance and personally I agree with Queen..I take great pleasure in deflating the ego of any man that tries to play me or place himself above me in anyway. Feminist45, please share you secret on balance because in order to make a man feel good (as you say) would involve the woman feeling bad. It’s not our job to make a man feel good..he has Mommy for that…

    • Lisa that’s why you attract who you attract lol you are only to blame your self, you know the say ” you are what you eat? Well it’s the same here, maybe you attract bad guys because you are not so good your self. It requires to be humble sometimes in order to keep or have a good man. There is nothing wrong with being humble and letting your man tAke the lead sometimes. It needs to be balanced. Compromise, talk to our partner. if you are a loving humble person ready to forgive, you will attract the same. So ladies work on your self first before getting involved with someone. Meditate and analyze what changes you can make to become a better person, be a strong woman who is confident enough to be a support for her mate not a burden.

      • Sometimes, I feel we attract a mirror of how we feel about ourselves. If we are not really emotionally available we seem to attract our male counter part. Just food for thought, as I kept getting same type of guy. Then, I took a good look at myself and wow, I saw myself in them.

  5. Love the above comment!!! There is nothing wrong with building them up and making them feel strong by giving them the opportunity to lead you ……love means putting someone’s needs first….. And yes I so learned the hard way… ….

  6. So what do you do if you have accidentally bruised a new guy’s (5 weeks) ego and he’s pulling away? Love this article by the way. It’s so spot on!

  7. I think it’s all about treating him as you’d like to be treated, and realizing he has feelings too even if he hides them behind a confident, well put together exterior. I’ve been thru abusive relationships and learned how to set boundaries of not allowing myself to be belittled & used. That is not male ego, that is abuse, clear and simple. I give people the benefit of the doubt until they show me they are not trustworthy. Then it can be discussed, in a way I’d want to be confronted. If he is a man and not a boy in a man’s body trying to hide his insecurities by trying to shut you down and back you off confronting him, there is common ground to work together to understand each other and learn how to support and grow together. If not, RUN. The respect must be reciprocal. I’m in a great relationship now, and I’ve learned what not to do from my past, so while I am definitely not happy about the utter Hell I went through (abuse to the point it was in the paper & he was charged) I am glad I now know what I want and how not to let others abuse my trust, devalue me and treat me like shit. I think for both men & women we have to learn to not let our past ruin our future. Learn from the crap, but give the other person the opportunity to show you who they are rather than assuming they are like some idiot from your past. This article is helpful, we just have to realize if the person demands these things out of their own hurt and insecurity, it adds up to abuse. If the person expects these things because they are healthy and want to treat you the same way, it adds up to mutual respect, open communication, and a ‘safe place’ for all involved.

    • Dear Lori,

      I can empathise and relate having been through the same thing form my first wife. She never gave things a chance and judged me for her past experiences.

      I really like how you advise to give the other half – i.e. us men the benefit of the doubt. Men make mistakes and suffer just as much emotionally and sometimes physically.

      After all what people want in the end is love and caring.

      Great advice, thank you!

  8. I wanna hurt him really bad and leave the fuck out of his life. I love him so much but he doesn’t appreciate anything that I do for him. Any suggestions how to hurt him permanently?

  9. Thank you Honestlynaked for this article. I have tried for 10 years to understand my husband and now i know i created this monster. I am not sure how long it will take for me to turn the tide but in teh mean time ill look for every opportunity to show his greatness and point out the lovelines of him. I had no clue when i was trying to make him be emotional and see the light i was making it worse. Thanks again!

  10. As women. We must learn self preservation. Discern boys from the real men out there. Boys will not show up in a relationship and faced the challenges a woman present to him. He will respond by silent treatment, praying hard the woman will leave him alone and spare him.

    The whole world knew who he is. He is the only one in denial. He assumed he has all the adult responsibilities. Which makes him a ‘man’. The only shortfall is when he refused to ‘clean up’ his act and admit that he is still a boy. Refused to own up he is not yet a man. And kept making exits when he is challenged in a relationship. As a woman. I want to submit to my man. However, i refuse to yield to a boy who is weak and lacking courage. Change takes a lot of hard work. And fearing the hard work and waiting for the right timing or right woman to appear. Are plain excuses.

  11. When we are ruled by our ego. True love never happened. Hate and mistrust. Pain and anger. These feelings are merely illusions. They are projected onto the ones who hurt us, whom we can’t have. We endlessly, relentlessly pursue what we cannot have. The ego is the main culprit to our misery. Be aware when the ego speaks. That’s when we see the truth. Love and ego never co-exists. Power struggles with ourselves. Anyone?

  12. I have known this man for 3 years (we were friends and started dating a month ago) and recently I found out he had had unprotected sex in the past. Several times, he admitted he likes the thrill and the danger. It felt like a car crash to me.
    My sweet and caring friend and lover acting so stupid and putting everyone in danger of stds and unwanted pregancies, including me. I did not know how to react so I acted like a friend would.
    I called him stupid. Because that’s what I would have done if we weren’t dating and it is stupid!
    He looked so bruised and depressed afterwards and was very quiet the rest of the night. i haven’t heard from him for a week, he retreated and went home to spend time with his parents.
    I worry I bruised his ego, but to be honest I am very dissapointed and sad and I am unsure if I still want him as a man in my life. How should I deal? This is my first relationship and I feel unprepared for all the little and big things that can go wrong…

    • Hi Coco, this is an interesting situation, and I don’t think you should be worried about bruising his ego. Rather, I think you should protect yourself emotionally and physically. I would recommend that both partners get tested at the beginning of the relationship, especially if you’re going to be engaging in oral sex, as this is often done without protection, as anal and vaginal sex is more easily protected. Although, if you’re engaging in unprotected sex with anyone, or if your partner has in the past, I recommend you both get tested for your safety. Keep in mind, it takes about 2 weeks for any infection to show up in your system, and it can take up to 3 months(or even longer) for HIV to show up in your blood. So just because you’ve been tested once, doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. I wonder if this person you’re dating is currently monogamous with you, but it seems as though your best option is to get tested at a doctor (preferably an OB/GYN) and use protection at all times to ensure your healthiest sexual relationship with your partner! I hope this is helpful, thanks for reading HonestlyNaked!

  13. I thought this article would have a bashful tone and almost ignored it, but it isn’t. All I will say though is, despite this article being well meaning, trying to coddle a man’s ego will only lead you in relationships where you try to save your man. There are some things in this list to never do to your men, but others, like “never make fun of your man to his friend” isn’t one. Men love sarcasm, so a man should be grown enough to handle sarcasm coming from a woman. Because the inability of taking jokes from women comes from men feeling like a woman’s b(i)tch once they pwn them. Like a power struggle. I am a man, so best believe that.

    If you feel like you can handle such men, be my guess. But from experience, women never have a good relationship with those.

  14. Men want to feel needed and loved Blah blah blah lol men can’t show emotions. Who wrote this nonsense? Real men don’t care who thinks they need them or not. Real man do things becaus theyre the right thing to do. Real men don’t care what some toxic self hating broad who carried suitcases of emotional baggage into his life when they decided to hook up think or say to “bruise their egos”. Real men walk away from toxicity and focus on the positive. “Cheat on him and bruise his ego damaging him” lol Yeh be a cum dumpster because that’s your only means of punishing and hurting a man who loved you. You know what? A real man realizes that women and men mostly cheat for the same reasons. They’re weak. They need to feel “lovable” and “needed” or “wanted”. Real men know where they can improve and do not judge or respond to such trashy behavior. Most women today can’t handle a real man. Too many daddy issues and waaaay too much emotional baggage. Guys, her past doesn’t count. If she was married once or even never married but engaged three times fucking run!!!!

  15. I actually said something to my boyfriend that I really regret because he was pissed and hurt (He told me so), The sex doesn’t last and I never have a orgasm so I joked and said hes got pre ejaculation problems and that sex is just for HIS benefit , It was a stupid thing to say and now it feels like he does not even want to have sex anymore, he doesn’t talk about sex and the passion is gone, we haven’t had sex in a while?? I am so sorry and I’ve told him it was a stupid joke , but I don’t know how to make it better , I really love him and I’ve got a big mouth i never think before I speak?? Is our relationship doomed?

  16. As a woman, I only understand this post because it also relates to me. I had been in relationships where men did not KNOW how to respond to women, in which case they played games. Amd abused thier power as men. Unfotunately for them (and this may be my ego talking) I could play them better.
    Because I grew up with my father. Because I grew up watching him play video games and paying video games with other guys. Because every friend I had in my neighborhood was a boy. And I learned from those experiences. I understood the male as a friend, and when they didn’t act friendly towards you there was something going on. My friends saw me as equals (we were all nerds too lmbo).

    As I grew older I understood the change of dynamics and even delved a little in my ‘girly’ side (note that my mother was not very girly either so try extra hard to BE a woman held no Interst to me). When everything became sexualized that’s when the problems arose (puberty and such).
    The boys started thinking they had something to prove to be a man. That proof would be getting the girl they desired, and if not, the world’s would suffer for it. I had a habit of dating damaged men (Hey but which one of us ISN’T damaged in some way?) But I was never resentful, I understood my hurt, but I understood my worth a lot more.

    Basically what I am saying is, gender roles and expectations damage people. Because I felt I want feminine enough I felt less than. BUT I ONLY felt less than because I was going off what other people thought of me and not what I thought of myself!

  17. I’m dating a really nice guy who has all of a sudden become very ‘mushy’ to the point its uncomfortable for me (obsessive comes to mind) . And he’s literally asked that I stroke his ego more as he is doing the same for me. I have a very hard time showing my emotions so this entire situation is difficult and I’m not sure how to handle it without hurting him.

  18. Never trust men are like this women are like that kind of talk. Its never that clear.
    And what happened to hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?

  19. Ok…I have a question…ummm I’ve been spending alot of time with this guy and right at the beginning he was honest said he was on plenty of fish..whatever! Lol anyway…he deleted the app..but there are girls that have his number and do text him still. Again he is honest but…I don’t like it at all. He told me…ugh…” who do I spend all my time with??” Granted yes he does..spends it with me. But he also said that those women that text him..boost his ego..I don’t get it..am I never going to be enough for him:( idk.

  20. hii…please help! my query is very different than usual… mostly challenging question.
    i dont want to keep a relationship with my partner. i want him to go away or actually have sex with another lady (talking about Indian man)…. please help me how can i bruise his ego so that he will go to somebody else.

    • if you dont want to be with him just end the relationship. theres no need to bruise his ego. the breakup will hurt anyway. good luck

  21. id just like to add to this article that its often forgotten about that women also have egos, and women also have sensitive self worth and when men are too emotionally cold or hard shelled its just like chipping away at a womans self worth/confidence/ego…

    i feel like there is so much more emphasis on how to treat your man right, than how to be a good boyfriend/husband to your woman.

    in my humble opinion and im sure lot of you will agree that, its a mans world already, i mean throw a dog a bone guys, ladies need love just as much as men if not more, as we are the more emotionally dependant ones.

    i feel also that ladies get utilised so much and get less or very little in return.
    think about it. what is a woman worth to you? she is there to have your back and support you emotionally, physically, financially…she ruins her own body and youth to bare YOUR children, yes your children, after all the kids are your seeds with your family name, she gives you good lovin in the bed which we all need but lets face it men love it more and need it more than women…
    i mean thats just a quick summary of what a woman brings to your life, and then at the end of her life what has she got?

    on her deathbed, what does she leave this earth with?
    just the satisfaction of having your love.
    thats it guys, honestly. everything she did during her life with you was for YOUR benefit. YOUR family name, your career and other goals…
    All a woman receives as payment for all that is YOUR LOVE
    So dont be greedy, give it with all your heart and soul.

    of course im not speaking on behalf of every woman and man but in general terms.

    well thats just my five cents worth…

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