Relationships & Dating

Are We Ever Fully Committed?

The married man asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick … who doesn’t? He stuck his ring finger in his mouth and slowly sucked it right off of his finger. This “magic trick”  made me wonder one thing, are we ever really truly committed to someone? 

Granted, I wouldn’t have touched this man with a 10-foot pole, along with most of the other women in that bar, but I wanted to smack him with one. Not only was this man sucking his finger, he was talking about how he gives the best oral sex, and how he loves to “eat and lick pussy” and how he’s the best at it, and was even voted #1 in college. Let’s not forget about how he also gets laid 10 times a day. The only thing that lays him 10 times in one day is Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters.


This man put his ring right back on his finger and continued to brag about his cunnilingus technique. He was with his single guy friends and surely went home to his wife that night, and slept soundly, but is he really committed where it counts?

Many single people hope to find someone who they want to be committed to, and women want that dreamy engagement ring, but this situation made me think long and hard about it. What is a ring on your finger, when it can be sucked off just as quickly?

Finding someone we want to get married to seems impossible to many people, but I’m beginning to think, the ring, the wedding, the partner, that isn’t the difficult part, rather it is the mental commitment that is impossible to find.

It’s one thing to be looking at other people, scoping out the grass on the other side, attractive people are always going to turn heads, but it’s another thing to act on it. Then I asked myself, if I was happy and in love, why would I act on it?

We are all so guarded that I think we subconsciously believe we can’t be fully committed in fear of getting emotionally destroyed. Men and women admit that they both talk to other men and women before their engagements, knowing that they weren’t going to actually do anything with them, but for what?

If we were genuinely happy with the people we’re with, why would we be talking to other people for attention? Insecurity. 

Insecurity within oneself and the relationship. Why else would you be searching to feel wanted, desired and care for by anyone else but the one you’re apparently in love with? We look for validation in others when we’re not confident with ourselves.

To all my single readers, take your time finding mental commitment, find someone who satisfies all your desires and compliments you. Worry about the physical aspects later, the inside is much more important.

To my committed readers, ask yourself if you’re really committed, if you’re not don’t settle. You’re better off single and committing to yourself, than to someone else who doesn’t complete you.


  1. I am getting a little frustrated by people thinking that humans are monogamous species. Whatever you say we are not. And a marriage as a concept is a fail and based on an unrealistic expectations and ignoring of human biology. No matter how hard religions try, humans are very sex driven and commitment of being with same person the whole life is simply unnatural. The problem is there is no open conversation about it in the society and we are still pretending that established way of life works great and everything is fine and dandy. As a society we are used to judge infidelity and consider it a sin, a flaw, a disease – without understanding that just as any other aspect of human behavior it has a root. When one becomes unhappy in particular side of relationship eventually he or she will start looking for a way to fill out whatever it is missing. And it might take months or years after one commits to one person for that feeling of emptiness and unhappiness to develop but it will happen. And if one is still attractive he or she can easily find a solution on a side. Otherwise why marriage infidelity rates are so high, why websites like Ashley Madison have millions of subscribers? Because this is who we are. Although most people choose to hide this feeling of dissatisfaction, to suppress it in themselves and sacrifice his/her happiness and people do that for many reasons: because they don’t want to be judged by their family/friends/society or because they don’t want to traumatize their kids or because they still love their partners and don’t want to brake their hearts. Having people to sign a paper and swear to love another person for the rest of their lives, making their partners happy and staying happy themselves in the process is an unrealistic expectation. I went trough this and felt guilty, flawed and empty. And although I never cheated on my partner that I lived with for 5 years I was very close to it. Then I started discovering that all of my friends feel exactly the same, whether they are married or simply living with their partners for a long time. So it is a lot more common than one might think, especially among men. Which is explained by the fact that men are naturally more sex driven than women and women are more emotional.

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