I’m not a very tall man, and someone recently told me that my height as a man plays a large role with women in general, how true is that?
Dear Tall Minded Man,
The idea that women are only attracted to tall men is a societally constructed misconception.
Let’s think biology for a moment: biologically men are typically taller and stronger than women, so it is understandable that men may often feel the need to be taller and stronger than their partners.
This need and desire to be tall dates back to evolution, think survival of the fittest. The taller and stronger a man was, the better he was at providing for his family. Now, being tall does not equal being strong, and being short does not equal being weak, but this idea originates in the grand scheme of biological evolution.
Shorter men are questioned and because of this societally constructed desire for height, and shorter men tend to overcompensate for their height with control and hunger for power. Think Napoleon Complex, also known as “short man syndrome” which is a societal derogatory stereotype. This complex originated with the French emperor Napoleon, who compensated for his height by seeking power.
Napoleon Complex: characterized by overly aggressive or domineering social behavior, and carries the implication that such behavior is compensatory for the subjects’ stature. [Wikipedia]
Height in general is associated with power, which is another reason men want to be tall, and women typically want to date men taller than them. There is even evidence that men who are tall are seen as happier, more confident and less stressed. Many women want to be tall too, they wear heels as a way to provide confidence, and positive body image by lengthening the leg which give the desired height.
This is exactly why I tell my single clients to be open-minded, without pre-determined needs and desires, especially physical ones. Being single and looking for someone who fits your “type” only limits your ability to find someone you may have a successful relationship with.
The bed is the best equalizer.
Some argue that we can’t change what we’re attracted to, but if you’ve never tried venturing out of what you’re used to, how can you really know?
When it comes to being short as a man, sure, height does play a part in the way that women will view you, but your confidence is key. Don’t be Napoleon, be proud of you, and remember that at the end of the day, height is just another visual factor. Height does not play a real role in a person’s ability to be a healthy, loving and successful partner and provider.
If you let your height limit you as an individual it will affect your relationships, especially the most important relationship any individual has, the one you have with yourself.
So, to answer your question, yes, height does play a valid and significant role in attraction, but it doesn’t need to necessarily be limiting. Don’t harp on your height, because quite frankly it isn’t something you can change.
Instead, accentuate the good qualities that you do have other than your height (your intelligence, talent, heart, etc.,) and use your mind and your heart to carry yourself as if you’re 6 feet tall.
I also asked a couple of women to finish the following statement: I’d date a man my height or shorter than me if …
“he had a tall presence.”
“He would have to be sexy and have a bold personality and he would have to know what he’s doing with his hands, and he needs to be able to lift me haha.”
“His personality and looks otherwise made up for it”
“He has to be really nice.”
Confidence will rise you up higher than anyone else, it’s a matter of believing in yourself enough to have it.
Sex Differences in Humans [Wikipedia]
Why Women Want Tall Men [PsychologyToday]
Men Prefer Women Who Look Similar to Them [Counsel&Heal]