Believe it or not sometimes we just don’t want to have sex…Whether it’s lack of time, life stressors, periods (although you can have sex on a period), illness, or you’re just tired and not in the mood.
Sometimes when we stop having sex due to things we’re dealing with in life, it can take a toll on our relationships and diminish the amount of sex we have in the future. Think about it like a car battery, if you don’t use it for a while it can be difficult to turn it on again when you want it.
You’ve all heard, “if you don’t use it, you lose it” — however, there are ways to keep your sex life from dwindling through other activities. These activities can also increase the level of intimacy within your relationship and redefine the intimacy you may still have!
- Massage each other. Our skin is actually our biggest sex organ; it contains many nerves and allows for many different types of pleasure. Massaging each other without it leading to sex can cause a physical closeness and level of intimacy because of the amount of trust that is required to allow someone else to touch you. The trust practiced through massages can also make the bond between you and your partner much stronger.
- Head touching. Often times we associate sex with our penises, vaginas, breasts and butts, but we forget one of the most intimate part of our bodies, our heads. The head contains the sources (eyes/ears/mouth/skin/nose) of many of our senses and our brains! The head is also one of the most vulnerable parts of our bodies as is controls our feelings physically and psychologically. People often spend so much time looking at their partners faces but forget what their partners face feels like. Touching each others faces can remind you of the features that turn you on!
- Share desires and fantasies. Emotional vulnerability is something we all yearn for but have a hard time attaining because vulnerability is a scary thing. In order to feel emotionally connected to our partners sometimes sharing what we like sexually can create a level of intimacy and open the room for more exploration. Sex isn’t easy to talk about, but when people make a joint decision and agreement to share and discuss it together it can develop a new level of shared intimacy. It can also give people ideas to explore together in the future.
- Explore each other’s genitals. While many people share the same types of genitals, no two penises or vaginas, breasts or buttholes are alike. What one person may like, another may hate and vice versa. When with a new partner, be safe and assume that you don’t know what they like sexually, and you won’t know until you explore, learn and communicate. In an effort to gain intimacy between partners, explore each others genitals through intimate touching and explain where things are located (clitoris, penis, testicles,urethra,labia majora/minora etc.) can be very beneficial to both partners.
Lots of people don’t know that women pee through a separate hole, while men pee an ejaculate out of the same one!
- Masturbate together. Pleasure does not have to be solely through penile-vaginal sex, oral sex or anal sex– self gratification shared together can be a very intimate experience. Whether you and your partner masturbate simultaneously while kissing and touching each other as stimulation or one part masturbates while the other assists, this can be a very arousing experience.