For anyone trying to have a baby, baby making sex typically blows.
Well, it’s not sexy when you feel pressured to do it at a specific time, and often stressed about whether it will work, or if you did it at the right time! Sex is something that requires your mind and body to be in sync, and when you feel pressured or aren’t in the mood, its difficult to enjoy yourself. Most importantly, sex is supposed to be something you want to do, and it should also provide your mind and body with pleasure!
Sure the first month, or even first few months, it may be fun! But then, after a few negative pregnancy tests, or miscarriages, the pressure sets in and sex often becomes something filled with stress and anxiety, rather than pleasure.
Men may begin to experience performance anxiety, and let me mention, it’s not just men who experience performance anxiety either! Women who feel anxious about sex are less likely to be lubricated, less likely to orgasm, and therefore, less likely to enjoy it.
Trying to get pregnant is a challenging feat in itself. 12% of women have difficulty getting pregnant, 6% of married women are unable to get pregnant after 1 year of trying, and common problems such as PCOS and Endometriosis makes these statistics even higher and the chances even lower [CDC, 2017]
Now imagine, having all of this in your mind when you’re trying to get turned on…..
To make things even more complicated, there is only a 12-24 hour window in which an egg is released and capable of being fertilized. With that being said, many women who want a baby will use Ovulation Predictor Kits to determine when their luteinizing hormone is released, which signifies that ovulation is about to occur. You can also use the mucus method to determine when you’re most fertile based on the consistency of your cervical fluid/vaginal discharge, but this isn’t always accurate – especially for women with PCOS or other endocrine disorders where hormones are not always at the level they need to be for conception to occur.
Many women use app’s like, Ovia, Shine or Kindara, but the problem with these app’s are that unless you’re filling in every area of information (and even then) it’s hard to really determine when you’re going to ovulate.
Testing your pee twice a day makes this whole process seem like a chore. Why test twice a day? because LH can peak during the day, and if you only test once a day you run the risk of missing it (talk about more stress!) Not to mention stress lowers your chances of conception, and maintaining pregnancy due to cortisol levels and its affect on the body. Then, when you’ve test positive GAME TIME!
So… what do you do?
Plan intimate and relaxing things for you and your partner during your prospective ovulation week. If you’re having sex every other day during this time, there is a good amount of sperm that is likely to be present in the fallopian tube and uterine cavity at the time of ovulation (sperm can live up to 5 days once released into the vagina!)
Much of the anxiety that ensues comes from the pressure both partners feel when engaging in baby-making sex. Something you can do to reduce this anxiety, is to make the sex into an experience where you both focus on enjoying each other, and allowing that to lead to intercourse.
Here are 4 things you can try to bring down the anxiety and lighten the mood:
- Massages – Touching each other can be a very sensual experience. Sometimes it’s just about setting the tone. Studies also show that massage can lower epinephrine and norepinephrine, as well as regulate cortisol, which is also good for getting pregnant! Massage also increases dopamine and serotonin, which are happy feel-good hormones! Candles and sex music helps too!
- Watch a Sexy/Romantic Movie – Any movie that is hot and heavy will do the trick. Try some of these!
- Try Something New – whether it be a new activity, a new restaurant, a new type of food, or a new sex position – trying new things can increase the levels of dopamine in your brain, and decrease stress, making you more likely to feel sexual, horny and desired!
- Watch Porn Together – While not everyone watches porn, 64 million people watch porn every day. Porn is meant to cater your fantasies, be unrealistic and to over-excite and stimulate your brain. When you’re looking to have sex just to make a baby, sometimes you don’t want it to be a long love-making session and that’s okay too. In this case, co-masturbation with your partner while watching porn (or a late-night show on Showtime/HBO/Netflix) can get you to the point of climax, and then all you need is insertion! Badda bing, badda baby.